Toldot

Parasha Toledot

Shabbat November 17, 2012

Barry Fineman

 Ve'eleh toldot Yitzchak ben-Avraham, Avraham holid et-Yitzchak.

These are the descendants of Isaac, son of Abraham. Abraham was the father of Isaac.

Viha-yeeee Yitzchak ben-arba'im shanah,  bich-kactow et-Rivkah, bat-Betu'el ha'Aramee miPaddan-aram, ah-cho-ote Lavan, ha'Aramee lo le'isha.

Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebecca, the daughter of Betuel, the Arammi, of Padan Aram, sister of Lavan, the Arami, for a wife.

The smile on my face, and tears in my eyes, tells a story;

Thirty six years ago, a boy was called to be a bar mitzvah.

That boy was me!

With each passing year on the anniversary of my bar mitzvah and torah portion,

I always reflect, and have fond memories of the experience, and how proud I made my parents, grandparents, brother, family and friends!

Like most bar mitzvah boys, my voice squealed, although already deep in tone, I pushed aside the microphone in extreme confidence, in the shul of 250 plus persons with their eyes glaring onto me, and ears in tune!

On the night of/Day of…..My dad was proudly seated next to me on the bema.  My mom sat in the first row, along with my 17 year old brother, my 2 nanas, my grandpa nate! My grandpa jack had passed when I was a baby, but was present and looking down from heaven, and “popping his buttons off”, as my uncle referred that evening! I remember vividly the smiles, and tears of joy of all them!

The significance of me becoming a bar mitzvah, that evening of erev Shabbat, and that day of Shabbat, was finally here!

My mom’s ultimate party planning, her organizing all my aunts to bake for an out of this world oneg Shabbat, my dad’s own stories of his Bar Mitzvah, my older and sarcastic brother smiling all the time, and of course my dear, dear grandparents kvelling in their seats so proudly, that little barry is a bar mitzvah……was all so very present, real, and here today!

I remember the day, and the night, like it was yesterday, full of rich, vivid, and happy memories.   I felt like I was everyone’s favorite person that very time of my life; lucky me!   The way I made my family feel, especially my folks, how could I not be the favorite son?  And the fact that my brother was 17 and so, well ‘teen age mean’ acting in such a manner to everyone (well at least to me, but it’s my story), I just had to be the chosen favorite!  Or so I felt it!  Every child should feel that, in fact every person should.

Like the bar mitzvah boy, I was years back..this week or so, the torah portion, ‘toldot’ has a strong parallelism to what I felt at the time of my bar mitzvah!...That of being the favorite son.

Rebecca and Isaac had twin boys, Esau and Jacob.  Each parent had their favorite (be it right or wrong).  Isaac loves the manliness of Esau, and Rebecca favored Jacob and his refined and mannered skills. 

The boys, then each man as they grew older, were both true individuals, although the favoritism still held up…  Both chose to walk a different path.

Esau hunted, Esau gathered, Esau was a man’s man of sorts, a somewhat Sportsman, and of many wives. A modern day, Joey Tribioni, “how you doin’?” or Oscar Madison of the tv series the Odd Couple

Jacob was more refined and domestic and caring in nature. That of Dr. Ross Gellar or, of Tony Randall’s portrayal of Felix Unger!

Both were unique and both had value to the world!

In the end of the portion, Toldot, both do indeed receive their father’s blessings, semi-indirectly, but they did receive them.

I again reflect back to my own Bar Mitzvah, and feeling that I was the chosen one, the favorite child of my parents, but just four years before that, my brother ken felt the same, he was the favorite son at his bar Mitzvah!

I said, “I” felt and “He” felt, as it just wasn’t really true this favoritism; the love and respect from our parents is the same for us both, and no child, (no adult), NOT once should feel alone or not loved as much as his or her sibling!

A parent’s true gift is to make their children to always feel great, and if that one of many children feels internally like the favorite, then what a true blessing.

My folks have given that gift to my brother and me, and now to our wives and to our children!!!!

Amen